Handling the obnoxiously stubborn

While visiting family, our 20 month-old grandson got locked in the bathroom.

The door knob did not have any visible way to unlock it from the outside.  So, Jerry started taking it off.  I reminded him that the last time we tried to open a door by taking off the door knob, it didn't work.  He kept on taking off the screws.  I suggested that we call the fire department. 

He kept taking off the screws.  The baby was howling.  Our daughter-in-law called our son at work.  I brought up the fire department again.  Jerry kept taking off the screws.  It all seemed so simple to me- 


                Call the fire department!




A minute later the baby walked into the kitchen.  Humbly I said to Jerry, "It must be annoying to be married to me."  He very gently said, "Once in awhile, I just have to ignore you.  Sometimes it is the kindest thing you can do for someone."


When our kids were young, I listened to a parenting lecture that drove home the point, "Behavior that gets attention, gets repeated."  I have used that technique lots of times.  I remember stepping over a four-year old throwing a tantrum at my feet and walking into the next room.  It didn't take long for him to come find me, have a little chat, and get a big hug.  This method is non-confrontational, keeps you from being the "bad guy," and works pretty fast.


But, I never knew that my husband was using this behavior modification on ME.  I hope it's working.  I did get a big hug.

How's Your Cake?

The bakery cakes looked great.  Beautiful in every detail. 

I asked the girl, "Do you make them everyday?"  She pointed to the wedding cake, "That's not real.  Underneath, it is styrofoam and cardboard.  It's just frosted."  You could not tell the real cakes from the styrofoam ones.  The frosting made them all look the same.  Beautiful.



All of us present our best selves to the world. 

We seldom reveal our struggles, therefore, no one knows what is going on underneath.  Today we are going to take the frosting off the styrofoam and enter the world of adrenals.  I am going to give you a lesson, a life-saving lesson for you or someone you love.  Welcome to today's class, Cortisol 101.  Never heard of cortisol?  Neither had I until two weeks ago after sitting with a friend for six hours while she suffered through wave after wave of panic attacks.   I want to share with you some things that I learned while trying to help her.

We have all heard of the kidneys, well, the adrenal glands sit on the kidneys.

The adrenals pump out hormones when we need them.   When you have feelings of  "fight or flight" the adrenals fire off adrenalin AND cortisol.  Adrenalin acts fast and comes and goes in waves.  Cortisol builds up and up and up, keeping your body in a constant state of readiness.  I call it "cortisol poisoning".  Now the little adrenals cannot tell the difference between a real danger (saber toothed tiger) and a perceived one (have to speak in church).  In fact ALL stresses are of equal weight to the adrenals, emotional, mental, physical - also, illnesses, medications, poor eating, lack of sleep, hard exercise, caffeine, sugar, (alcohol, tobacco-aren't you glad we know to avoid those), chocolate,...you get the picture.  Life. 

Here are some of the symptoms research has found to be the result of unhealthy cortisol levels:  fatigue, anxiety, anger, frustration, paranoia, panic attacks, over reaction to pain, social phobia, separation anxiety, moody, irritable, insomnia, indigestion, frequent infections, irritability, bowel problems, eczema, headaches, psoriasis, muscle tension, peptic ulcer, allergies, neck and back pain, asthma, atheroscierosis, appetite problems (increased and prolonged), nutritional deficiencies, high blood pressure, PMS, diabetes, weight gain (especially around the abdomen, upper back, and face), psychological problems, depression, memory difficulties, blood sugar imbalances, thyroid problems, decrease in muscle tissue, slowed wound healing, bruise easily, stretch marks on breasts, abdomen, thighs, chronic yeast infections, water retention and more.  Colicky babies have been found to have high cortisol levels.  Men with high cortisol have low testosterone.

So, how do you bring down high cortisol levels?   B-vitamins, especially B-5 (pantothenic acid), Vitamin C (lots of vitamin C), Vitamin E,  & magnesium.  Garlic, gingsen, and ashwaganda also help to normalize levels as does regular, moderate exercise, rest, and meditation.  Castor oil rubbed on the abdomen is good, too.  If you think that cortisol might be a problem for you, do an internet search and study it for yourself.  Also, your doctor can test your levels.

As I've been writing for you, I've tried to to think of little things that might be helpful, brighten your day, or give you uplifting thoughts to think.  But, I thought, feeling good does not last if you don't feel good.



If you want someone's attention....

I was outnumbered 20 to 1, and I was alone. 

There was a 2 year-old pounding on the door, yelling, "I want out of here!"  I grumbled, "So do I."

Recently returned from college, 6 months pregnant with our first, and being a good sport, I agreed to babysit for the Relief Society three-hour homemaking meeting.  It was not going well, for them or me.

It was unbelievable chaos and I was supposed to do something about it.  I think that I was too overwhelmed to even pray.  But, suddenly a perfume advertisement that I had read when I was 16 years-old popped into my head.  I remembered sitting on my bedroom floor and reading a Seventeen magazine.  I turned the page and there was a large picture of a bottle of perfume with the words, "If you want someone's attention WHISPER."  With those words blazing in my brain, I picked up a book, sat on the floor next to 2 children, and started to whisper the story to them. 

I was shocked at how quickly everything changed as more and more children came and sat down to be whispered to.  The whole atmosphere in the room (and in me) becamse calmer, more settled.  That one sentence and first experience with whispering shaped my mothering and me.  But, I was still relieved and overjoyed to finally see their mothers!

Three Lessons in Communication

My mother-in law likes to tell the story of Jerry's first encounter with the new Spanish-speaking neighbor children, "They talk to me but I don't hear them."

I was a happy 7 year-old feeding Cheerios to our new puppy during breakfast, when my mother said, "Jeanie!  Ignore the dog!"  Ignore?  What was I supposed to do?  Feed him all my cereal?  Pet him?  Yell at him?  What?  I sat there not moving, until I heard the comforting words, "Jeanie, eat your breakfast."

He was four and I was busy.  He talked at my side and I washed dishes, all the while giving what I thought were appropriate comments.  I don't remember a single thing he said, 36 years ago - until he said, "Listen to me!"  I answered, "I am listening to you."  He shook his head, 

"Listen to me with your eyes."

Who's responsible for all this?

Sitting in a doctor's office I noticed this sign over the puzzle table,

"Parents are responsible for their children." 

Yep.  That's what you hear.  Parents are responsible for their children's behavior.  Parents are accountable.  Badly behaved kid, parents must be bad.  Everyone knows that. 


But, consider for a moment if the sign had read, "God is responsible for his children."  Responsible for what?  How we turn out?  I believe we could compile a list that would include these "responsiblilities".  He is responsible to love us, guide us, give us rules to protect us, provide learning opportunities for us, help us, offer us forgiveness, listen to us, be for us what he expects us to become, reward us when we get it right, and never, ever give up on us.  He is the perfect parent and shows us just what we are responsible to do.


So, if your child embarrasses you in the store, at church, in front of your home teachers, at school (all the stages they love to perform on!) don't despair.  I'm sure that we embarrass God regularly and he still has hope for us!