Handling the obnoxiously stubborn

While visiting family, our 20 month-old grandson got locked in the bathroom.

The door knob did not have any visible way to unlock it from the outside.  So, Jerry started taking it off.  I reminded him that the last time we tried to open a door by taking off the door knob, it didn't work.  He kept on taking off the screws.  I suggested that we call the fire department. 

He kept taking off the screws.  The baby was howling.  Our daughter-in-law called our son at work.  I brought up the fire department again.  Jerry kept taking off the screws.  It all seemed so simple to me- 


                Call the fire department!




A minute later the baby walked into the kitchen.  Humbly I said to Jerry, "It must be annoying to be married to me."  He very gently said, "Once in awhile, I just have to ignore you.  Sometimes it is the kindest thing you can do for someone."


When our kids were young, I listened to a parenting lecture that drove home the point, "Behavior that gets attention, gets repeated."  I have used that technique lots of times.  I remember stepping over a four-year old throwing a tantrum at my feet and walking into the next room.  It didn't take long for him to come find me, have a little chat, and get a big hug.  This method is non-confrontational, keeps you from being the "bad guy," and works pretty fast.


But, I never knew that my husband was using this behavior modification on ME.  I hope it's working.  I did get a big hug.

I wish I'd known when I was your age that...

...my husband would never be my girlfriend.  He would never sit, listen to me for hours, and always tell me that I was right.  His world would be different than mine.  He would see what was good for me and I would not always agree.  What did I want when I got married?  I have learned that whatever it was I thought I wanted, I got a man.  Every day I am fascinated by our differences and the wonder of it all.

I read recently that you cannot really know a person until you write their story.  Well, I have never done that, but I did do something that made me really see him.  Our last Christmas as full-time missionaries is the only one where I can remember every gift I received from my husband.  We gave each other only one.  If you are wondering what to give your husband for Father's Day - he will remember this one.

Early in December 2006, Jerry and I agreed on our gifts.  It was to be a letter entitled, "How do I know you love me?"  We worked on them for weeks, thinking, writing, and a little crying on my part.  Then we put two envelopes on our little Christmas tree.  I am going to share with you my letter to him.

How do I know you love me?  Let me count the ways...

1. On the day we married you committed to me for eternity, and every day since then you've shown me and our children and grandchildren, that you meant it.
2. Every morning you hugged and kissed me good-bye, went to work, and never complained.
3. You share with me (and everyone else) the wonders of nature.
4. You love our children and grandchildren.
5. You are always very kind to my family.
6. You always look for the best in people.
7. You always honor your priesthood.
8. You have given me countless inspired blessings.
9. You go to Coto (Argentine grocery store) for me even though you hate shopping.
10. You are my "body guard" when I want to go clothes shopping in Buenos Aires.
11. You always hold my hand when we cross streets.
12. You compliment me in public.
13. For 40 years you have thanked me for every meal.
14. You dry the dishes for me.
15. You tell me that you're sorry.
16. You think that am beautiful.
17. Every bird, every flower, every interesting, and beautiful thing, you want to share with me.
18. To you, everything is "we".
19. When my feet are cold, you let me put them between your legs to warm them up.
20. You believe that I can do anything.
21. You make me laugh at myself.
22. You are my best critic and cheerleader at the same time.
23. You built us a house - a beautiful home that means more than lumber and nails to us.
24. You showed me the wonder of lying in a hammock.
25. You water all of the plants that I forget about.
26. You will squirt me with the hose on a summer day.
27. You bring me the first ripe boysenberry.
28. You suprise me with flowers.
29. You let me shave my legs with your electric razor.
30. You let me take up most of the room in the closet.
31. In a hotel, if we get one good pillow and one lumpy one, you insist I take the good one.
32. Every morning you give me the choice of first or second shower.
33. You always put my bus money in the slot for me.
34. You always carry my stuff in your backpack - including the rocks that I pick up.
35. When we walk you make sure I'm walking in the shade.
36. You let me help you put in the last 5 pieces of the 500 piece puzzel you've been working on.
37. At the fruit and vegetable stands, you ask me what I want, and then you pick out the very best for us.
38. Every spring you show me nests with eggs, have me smell the apple blossoms, show me the tiny fruit on the trees, and take me to see the wildflowers.
39. You called me every day from work.
40. I know you love me because you love the Lord.
41. I know that you love me because you are still here.  Every night I go to bed and you are here.  Every morning I wake up, you are here.
42. Everything you do reflects your care of me, my comfort, my safety, my happiness.
43. You have bound me to you with countless golden threads of love wound around and around us.  It is now impossible for me to tell where I end and you begin, you are so much a part me.  You have taught me what "we" means.

Men are hard-wired to provide and protect.  Girl friends are not.

It's funny.  I forgot to write that every day he says, "I love you."

Love Language

While I was taking a shower my husband came in saying, "Look, I want to show you something."  I poked my head around the shower curtain.  He held out something in his work gloves.  "I found this desert spiney under some tumbleweeds I was about to burn." 

He turned it over in his hands, "Look at how pretty and shiny blue his belly is."  I agreed, it was beautiful. 

He left and I heard our bedroom door close as he took the little guy outside to set it free on the far side of the house.

I don't know how other husbands say, "I love you."  Mine shows me the world.  I did not always understand that.